Something is Missing...
Lately I find that people act differently around me. I feel a sense of falsity eminating from a few very important people in my life. I'm not so sure why this is, as far as I can tell I'm the same old me. But then again, maybe that's the reason in and of itself. Many people are changing lately, afterall, that happens in college, and while I too have had some opinions altered and a few perspectives warped, I'm essentially the same person. Deep down, through and through, I'm the same person. You wont find anything fake in me.
It's ironic how things in my life fluctuate. Right now school is going great, I'm thuroughly enjoying things like my dance lessons, daily lunches at Busey, going to IMPE, attending concerts, and eating way too many cookies. I could go on even further, but I think the point is clear. All in all, I should be a very content person, however I find that I'm never satisfied with what I have. No matter what my situation is, I can always find something wrong with it and something to improve. I have had people complement me on how driven I am to improve, but what these people don't understand is that, yes, while I do value self-improvement, it's not something that I choose to value. At least not so highly. It's more of a social dysfunction that I never can be good enough, that nobody can be good enough.
It feels like every time I get close to someone, I start to expect certain things, and it's hard to not be let down when my expectations start getting ridiculously high. Luckily this trend has been slowing, or rather, I have been realizing that I do have some really great friends (not to mention a house full of 60 people that would chill with me whenever, wherever). However, throughout all my blessings and good-fortune, I can't help but think that, "Yea, it could be better."
One thing I miss is spontanaeity. Especially as of late, (what with the day-in day-out grind of school, work, homework, projects, tests, and all that junk) but also for some time now. I don't have many friends that would just drop by my place to chill. I can't remember the last time somebody knocked on my door unannounced, looking to see me. Sometimes I wish I would just get a few more phone calls. It's cool just to have someone call you up to go Salsa Dancing on a whim (thanks Kunal), and I definitely could use more of that in my life. When I look through my list of contacts, it's hard not to get a little depressed in thinking that so many of these people I have fallen out of touch with. I have been meaning to go through my contact list and call everyone, just to say hi, maybe to set up a lunch sometime.
So those are my thoughts as of now. A small digression for what I intended this blog to be: a trendy, politically charged and globally-motivated forum for discussion of recent events. There are some issues that I want to bring to this blog (not that I expect many to read this, but if I can provoke a thought or two in someone, that's all I need). Issues such as the recent earthquake victims, who are currently freezing to death, with no food and little shelter. Ironically enough we have the means to interview them for the daily editions of the Chicago Tribune, yet for some reason we can't seem to help these people out. Well, here's a headline for you "Millions Die Awaiting Aide: Interviews Inside." Whatever.
It's ironic how things in my life fluctuate. Right now school is going great, I'm thuroughly enjoying things like my dance lessons, daily lunches at Busey, going to IMPE, attending concerts, and eating way too many cookies. I could go on even further, but I think the point is clear. All in all, I should be a very content person, however I find that I'm never satisfied with what I have. No matter what my situation is, I can always find something wrong with it and something to improve. I have had people complement me on how driven I am to improve, but what these people don't understand is that, yes, while I do value self-improvement, it's not something that I choose to value. At least not so highly. It's more of a social dysfunction that I never can be good enough, that nobody can be good enough.
It feels like every time I get close to someone, I start to expect certain things, and it's hard to not be let down when my expectations start getting ridiculously high. Luckily this trend has been slowing, or rather, I have been realizing that I do have some really great friends (not to mention a house full of 60 people that would chill with me whenever, wherever). However, throughout all my blessings and good-fortune, I can't help but think that, "Yea, it could be better."
One thing I miss is spontanaeity. Especially as of late, (what with the day-in day-out grind of school, work, homework, projects, tests, and all that junk) but also for some time now. I don't have many friends that would just drop by my place to chill. I can't remember the last time somebody knocked on my door unannounced, looking to see me. Sometimes I wish I would just get a few more phone calls. It's cool just to have someone call you up to go Salsa Dancing on a whim (thanks Kunal), and I definitely could use more of that in my life. When I look through my list of contacts, it's hard not to get a little depressed in thinking that so many of these people I have fallen out of touch with. I have been meaning to go through my contact list and call everyone, just to say hi, maybe to set up a lunch sometime.
So those are my thoughts as of now. A small digression for what I intended this blog to be: a trendy, politically charged and globally-motivated forum for discussion of recent events. There are some issues that I want to bring to this blog (not that I expect many to read this, but if I can provoke a thought or two in someone, that's all I need). Issues such as the recent earthquake victims, who are currently freezing to death, with no food and little shelter. Ironically enough we have the means to interview them for the daily editions of the Chicago Tribune, yet for some reason we can't seem to help these people out. Well, here's a headline for you "Millions Die Awaiting Aide: Interviews Inside." Whatever.
posted by Carl at 4:48 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home